running from you i am running away running down the page but ive been waiting for months praying for years filling my lungs and puffing smoke away from me dragging my feet along the ground
i could eat your heart (out) over and over again but i wouldn't ever get full never ever
shut the door drag the well fill the lake I AM READY WHEN YOU ARE ready to jump to scream to fall ready for anything with you i think youre ready. i know you arent ready.
this is your future served on a platter (here it is here it is) preventing you from touching me too strong it's too strong and it is holding you back stop talking with your mouth (full stop) breathing when your mouths (full stop) take a swig and jump off the bridge and knock you out knock you down pin it back take you now
i wrote this half asleep and it is nowhere near as good as you deserve but i will never show you my top quality shit
i will stay as i am until you don't tell me not to anymore.
and then, i will blossom one hundred eyes blinking at me from across the room uncross my eyes and tell me you were only kidding.
this feels like a memory this feels like a fire this feels like having to stop so I can slam my eyes shut and cover my ears against the screaming in my head. this feels like a glancing touch to the arm this is nothing but my own fault
i can recognize this. and we can kiss quietly in the hall
even though it isn't what i really want at all.
and me and fantastic mr. fox, we'll walk hand in hand arm in arm tooth and nail he'll remind me that all of my metaphors come from fairy tales. he'll overbalance because he lost his tail and we'll laugh
because it's laugh or break down.
and you see it's coming back full circle dust to dust to roses young to archaic to new again because it's really all i'm good at.
i remember, this one time when he said i reminded him of himself i remember this one time when i could pretend things were ever simple. i remember this one time when i taught myself to pretend. back before i should have been pretending back when my nights were spent sleepless but making no excuse i could tell myself that i was just one more chapter away from sleep.
this feels like a eulogy but it sings like a prayer. in my head it's a prayer and i can see it in the bottom of an empty circle an empty cyllinder all i have nowadays are my pen and myself. my pen and my self my-self.
i am trying too hard i am trying too hard i am trying too hard i am trying too hard
to be what you need
(i'm trying too hard) to be what you need? or i'm trying too hard (to be what you need)? even i don't know where the emphasis falls anymore
watch me walk--i'll kill it, i'll kill it my pseudo-intellectualism has abandoned your pretty words, left me for your pretty mouth filled my head with hard unrounding consonants and condolences
it's called a cliche for a reason thank you for not talking. thank you for not talking back. thank you for leaving me for dead.
my fingers tap, rub, sssssmack against my thighs in a pretty mockery of rhythm goosebumps raise and remind me that you left me cold or maybe that i can't ever quit you cold-turkey a charlie brown scream (augh! augh!) tumbles through my lips as you once again pull the football (or maybe the rug) from where it should have connected
d a g b g b g d a g b g b g d a g b g b g d a g b g b g b f# e g e g e b f# e g e g e eminor b e minor b f# f# c # e b f# e g e g e b f# e g e g e d a g b g b g d a g b g b g b f# e g e g e b f# e g e g e d a g b g b g d a g b g b g d a g b g b g d a g b g b g
you can sin or spend the night all alone. jesse lacey will alwayssay it better.
now that was just a warm up let's get warmed up call me later because i get so despondent without your voice we both know that i know how it feels to lose a chunk, gain a chunk, keep going unwhole i know how this goes and you will not trick me again you have me trapped in my own logic tied up and too weak but still breathing i've gotten stronger and i know how to bite my lip against the sort of image you drag up you asked too many questions and asked for too many answers and asked too much of me trying to watch my reaction to use against me later the way i bite my lip against you and so i'm pulling my eyes shut to avoid seeing your face and i'm drowning you out with this can of mace and i'm forcing myself to see something i don't want to see, can't bear to see i already know so why do you keep trying to tell me I ALREADY KNOW so why do you keep trying to tell me i already know and as much as the simple fact kills me it isn't what's keeping me up at night no i don't want your pity and even though i know you're trying to help even though i know you're helping you're only keeping the wounds open and the words out too bad i already know the curve of your name well enough to trace it in the dark
let me go for a few days let me have a week to myself let me have a week where i don't pick up the phone when it's me avoiding you and not the other way around let me curl up on my bed on top of the covers and not eat not sleep let me just exist just for a week just until they prescribe what they think i need just enough to keep me going just let me have a week just call me all the time so you can get angry when i don't pick up just let me lock myself down just for a week
you look at me and ask how sexual i can get but baby i must tell you it's about the sweat it's about time you get caught in my net in my web, and we're losing our way to find our heavy thumping bass line i just want to teach you how to solo i just want to hear you while you solo now tell me what you want to hear i'll have you moaning from ear to ear see, baby, i can talk out of my ass, too i can talk just as much shit about you
just a lie, i said, and watched you insist that that's all it was. just a lie, you stressed, and for once you didn't understand a single thing i was trying to tell you.
i'm repeating myself, at this point, but i'm making my point and i'm repeating everything you said out loud to my empty room. i will write as if no one is reading this and hope that it makes a difference. ashes to ashes to all of us falling down there are words and stanzas and i continue to drown take your shoes and shine them take diamonds and mine them forever is too long, especially when i'm just waiting for you to fall apart. (do you get it? do you?) see i laid my fingers in the dish cleaned them off took a hot towel and wiped the mess around we only drink soup from one side of the spoon and my big canary yellow cobalt blue ex-husband ex-wife? keeps clunking into the side of my bowl please, excuse him her? she's so rude, talking over you like that i'm like marie curie with the way i'm always trying to save everyone around me and with this bread and water diet i'll be passing out in no time it's all the rage in paris.
kissing cousins versus killer queens versus kingdom come vice versa my biggest vice is your shortest verse anything too long and i fall to shame better make this quick
kiddie cavalry, contemporary classicist with contempt for cliches, kill clashing colors before babies buy your record and relive experinces they've never had. we've been had, we've been had. have you had enough, because i think having said what i said i've heard enough. enough is enough and a horse is a horse is a horse, of course, but a better bitter branch of breezy emotion I've never seen. Hope? is a lie. lie down so i can get those clashing colors colored corectly. you're in shades of gray and grey and green and it is making me sick. i am sick of this relationship. i am sick of you. let me go let me go let me borrow fifteen dollars so i can fly away. you intimidate me, inasmuch as i'm intimidated by your intimacy. me, queen of the bad touch, queen of the bad luck, queen of the sad as such, intimidated by nonesuch touch as my own. it's a bit much but it's better than having no pluck and i'm getting distracted. put my words on your websites and put me to bed before i swallow lead, before i lose my head, before i'm left for dead. the breezeway bucked me off and left me with a fistful of shattered ribs. they slit my wrists and, left by misfits in a crying fit, they cracked my knees so i could see that the concrete attatched to my feet was really there on accident, but that didn't change the fact that right now i'm at the bottom of the ocean and my last gasping breath is occuring through the gills of the fish they wormed into my open screaming mouth. let me out let me out let me out.
I am your sweet dying angel I have revealed myself for what I am I have proved myself yours I have ensured that every day is torture for surrounding myself with you
I have done nothing but love you it is tearing me apart
See, the only thing I feel I can rely on are the strings, stringentandpure, clean and hopeless just like me. Me, see, me, I am your Queen. I am your tub of Vaseline I am the words from the sentences you string and the water from the rags you wring I am nothing you thought to bring I am the finger with the ring I am the lie without the sting and the hopes you fail to sing My fingers are on the strings, and angel your eyes were never this wide, not even when I split you in two and left you for dead.
it would be cliched to suggest world peace it would be a lie to suggest anything other than you
there's sand behind my ears and six different lies in my teeth there's a bright yellow bruise on my leg the size of an egg there's nothing anyone can point out to me that won't remind meof you and oh god i am a liar
we snatch bodies and remember the lie and the liar but never who we lied to.
i lie to everyone. i hate this but i would hate losing you more
please don't hang up on me. please don't send me to bed. please don't ever find this.
Good night, moon bad night for the sun i'm leaving you for the moon moon or bust
i'm not going to call you out for something you haven't said don't get too excited. i cannot leave i will not tell i cannot leave i will not tell i cannot leave i will not tell i cannot eave i will not tell. i will not leave. i cannot tell. it'll fuck your shit up.
i am too tired uninspired wired a liar born under a bridge at the break of dawn to a tempest that temporarily tempted me out of sight, out of mind you are always on my mind but see you're lagging behind i've got this new pair of shoes and they can cross miles in seconds i've got this scab on my forehead from where i'm not good enough i've got this apostrophe tucked in my back pocket because sometimes i'm lazy see, it's not what i believe it's sensory overload see, see, see seas of seas of seeing seas i am sick of the sea.
this will be so much easier if you let me cry my only problem is that i never know what you're talking about.
there's a moon and a sun and i miss when they thought they were in love. but the sun's falling out of the sky at an alarming rate, spiraling down down down until she can't think straight for the wind in her ears, the clouds hitting her face just right, making her believe that maybe she's crying. the moon's unaware, if the moon and the sun are who they are. and they are.
i hit the train station at a quick pace, but it obviously wasn't quick enough. because now my shoes are on the ceiling and i'm tied to the tracks by the only person i don't know. funny how i always get myself in these sticky situations.
i am both the spider and the web and the fly. i am growing legs. there are too few branches for me to hide under too few spindles to touch too few mysteries anymore.
this will be easier if you let me cry this will be easier if you cry.
this is how i get you to give up the ghost. this is how i know you've given up the ghost. there's a smile on my face and a dove in my hand, pretending that we've found peace. and this gash in the bottom of my face, the one i can call a smile, grows wider and wider. it does a good job of swallowing the messes i make. why so quiet? we both know how terrified you were when you saw me with my hands outstretched.we both know i'll beat you at your own game any day of the week. i can beat you at any game. do not try to run. do not try to hide. resistance is futile and we're each of us aware that you could never hide as well as i could find you.
watch me walk always a step ahead versus running away no, i never know what you want write it down, and let me be your latest fascination because you sound so young and i feel so old she blinks like a fawn fawns big eyes wide smiles smiles at the mirror at the sex he thinks he can exploit He struggles with himself, looking for a new reason to exist and her--new her; take that how you like-- her french isn't as good as it used to be. keep up!
are you lost yet?
now he--new he--sings at dawn
because if he can control the sky,
make it brighter by degrees, if he
feels like he has control over that,
then it almost eclipses how she's not in his nest anymore.
sweetness, we're falling asleep now. are you coming to bed? are you coming-- so now we're in your window, eyeing the cake your mother made frosting flowers all across the top, and if i could just get out--if you would let me out-- i would run across them, make them as real as your smile. while you hold the cause of the pills i haven't been prescribed yet above my head. straighten out your sheets, because no mother would approve of what we just did. will you remember what we just did? did you come to bed yet? did you come-- you've made your bed now we're both going to sleep in it. like the crow that hit your windw and yours and yours and yours. (tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...) we're running away from one margin but only getting closer to the next, and i'm dotting my eyes and crossing my tees so that you may do whatever you please. don't tease (and soon the lease on our relationship will be up;
a year ago she could pick herself apart and destroy herself, no problem, and now all she's got is a lie and a dusty box in the back of your closet. leaves are tumbling down, down, down, across the river, and did you hear? she can walk on water. she hung the moon and the stars, and still had the time that night to sleep. did you hear? well, she's YOUR daughter. empty slaughter with a cherry on top that looks like an excuse. see, she pulls off her kneecaps sometimes and digs down inside her legs so she can find the secrets she hid there. check the news--check the weather--check yourself. stop lying start putting those talents of yours to use. she's a high-class whore and she doesn't want to grow up, no sir. she stole your death, snapped out her tendons, and pulled out her ribs to feel something real, without experiencing any consequences. the aching in your ankles is an empty allusion to an older pain. take my reason, make it treason. (but you know you'll leave some for the ones who want it. wasn't it always that way?) she only caters to what she wants; she's not used to being alone. she'll erase the words that you wrote first and paint them across the walls she hates. she only wants what she can't have. she left you breathless once she found a way to steal it back. she hates shoes. she hates rain. she hates herself. she'll go out in style.
I picked my way through the wreckage and realized that you're beautiful, in a roundabout sort of way. Sober you up--this is where I stand now. You threw your lemonade in my face months ago and now I'm kissing your bruises all better. Whambamthankyouma'am and I can['t] get over this myself. For once, I'd like to defy ourselves instead of defining ourselves, but I know that's wholly unattainable. I thought about perception, and then I thought about me, and then I thought about you. [must be a Tuesday] This isn't about who you'll think it's about. My battery just died a little bit more and I want outoutout. All I want to see is the insides of my eyelids. And maybe I should hate you for this, But maybe it doesn't really matter. Heartsstarsandclovers and I'm fallingfalling. Four and twenty blackbirds,and I'm flying again. I hate everything you do to make me feel at ease. The silence is deafening And I'm once again expressed by a series of Ones (1) And Zeros (0) 010010001000010000010000001 And on and on and on. All I want to do Is kiss your fingertips And make you feel okay. The more you talk about it, the more in love I fall, But that may be a misleading pronoun. Never ask, never tell. Hold off your bets now.
You opened your eyes— And out fell the sky. Straight into my lap. I was shocked. It was hopeless and broken, But endless. I tried to count the stars, But kept getting distracted. By small things, you know? Like the smattering Of freckles Across the bridge of your nose. The shadows that Danced Down your cheeks Each time you blinked. The way you Refused To look at me Until I wasn't looking at you; Refused, Unless I was Staring Out of the window, Pretending to Glance At the pharmacy across the way. But really, I was watching you, Watching your reflection, Watching you watching me. I could have cried. "Are our eyes our own?"
Breathing quickens, But the heart stills. Tears spill. Your thoughts, your words hold one thousand different meanings, And each one leaves me stunned. Leaves me shunned. I’m shamed and ashamed. Our rhythm, our voices, our cadence— They leave no room for me. Each time you smile, my heart breaks and melts and stops, all at once. I don’t begrudge you anything. You know all this already. Watch as I smile through it all. I’m so pathetic. But a good liar. Go for a walk. Try not to sob. Try not to sing too loudly. Stop myself from calling you. Convince myself it’s all okay. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather-rinse-repeat. Lather rinse repeat. Latherrinserepeat. You get the point. All I am is repetition. Contradiction. Research.Inspiration. I’m getting off topic. I could care less. This is happy. This is the face of happy, and I’ve never been more malicious in my sarcasm. Every word that I bite back sidles down my throat. Hot and venomous. Le mort petit. Except, really, it’s not. Slugs. I’m swallowing hot, primordial swamp slugs. I’ve never felt more in tune with myself. I’m dying, slowly and painlessly. It’s simultaneously the best and worst feeling in the world. Hey, look, it’s every lie I told, every half-truth I believed. All I need is my name on your lips, please. Tell me what I want to hear?
I'm the tears, falling down your cheeks when you feel you need attention, the callouses on your fingers you think nothing of sloughing off. What happened to pride in ones work? I've made a habit out of waiting up for you. It's not hard to fall back into an old pattern. For a while this was all I knew. I'm well-learned and scholarly in the art of pining after you. It's like riding a bike. Who am I, you ask? I don't even know anymore. Ask me later. I forget. This frustration with myself can only wear so thin before the fabric rips altogether. My proverbial clothes are falling apart from the acidic self-loathing I keep so close to my heart. I could never stay mad at you.
I'm shakingshaking, wound and wired. My heart is heavy and feet are tired. Home, home, home again. I miss the world, I miss my friends. Shackles, prison, ball and chain. Bars on windows and your name. Save me, save me, dear desire. Deadline's here, down to the wire. Change is needed, change is good. I'm wanting you more than I should. Charts all tell me all my wages. Pretty lines on pretty pages. I'm suffocating on myself, and all this amounts to is how much I need you. I don't know. I'm pretty much incoherent, but aren't I always?
so why don't we fix this? Let's steal some lines and break some hearts, babe. Tripping over/on my words. Puck would be proud. Left right yes no stop. Tilt you throat and slant your words. Bring that bias by us, love. Our itinerary today is right in her airwaves. The lines of your neck crawling up and down my skin, like goosebumps. Like vowels and consonants and everything in between. Aren't we all in between? The roses that rose up to rope up your petty thought process. Fallingfallingfalling. Falling forever, and I'm getting awfully bored.
I am a corporate whore, and sweetie things have never been this good. I am standing on my head for this, but all I can bring myself to do is push him away. Mary, Mary, quite Contrary, How does your garden grow grow grow grow? With metaphors and similies and poorly masked allusions to myself.
I woke up at dawn today. Wake up! cried the sun, and wake up I did. The light that fights what should be the night.
You always look your best when I'm on my knees. Apologyapologyapology. It's almost comical how that word doesn't mean anything anymore. Things to remember things to destroy things to never, ever forget. All I do these days is destroy and try to forget. Generally, I stepped up, and specifically, you were just this much bigger than me. My fingers are breaking and I need a break and I need a splint. I need you like I need a hole in my head. tahtrofetalootspoo I need another sunrisechancesurprisedance. I'm about to be blown out of the water. Give me something tonot talk about, babe.
So here we are. and it's live/die/live, but this empire I've created can only last so long. Close my eyes when it crumbles I cannot escape this Wreckage of my carefully constructed walls. Thank you for reminding me that there was something beating inside that was Something Close To A heart. And thank you for reminding me what it feels like to fall. Battering tiny fists on tinnier voices Your constant presence is a brick through my ever-effervescent window. You took away my common sense [cents? And to every penny saved is it plausible that I earn you back?] Forget-me-nots and let-me-downs and want-so-cripplings I hate you for the easy way you roll off my tongue Nothing should ever be that simple.
He said, "Speak now, or forever hold you peace..." And I got up and left. Rash thoughts and irrational actions, but I'd rather hold my peace and my tongue than this persistently pumping ventricle out for you to sacrifice Your myocardial infarction left me breathless. Eviscerate me, baby. Give me a taste of what you're made of [[or at least an ingredient label]]. Empty casket pills rattle and taunt and keep me awake at night but they are liars. I know exactly what I want and it is tearing me apart. Three cheers to us and to this ticking time bomb. It will surely take us down and drive me sane.
I am the initiative that tipped you over I am the bursting vein in your throat and the creeping metallic taste on your tongue. Exhausted and swollen, shining and broken. Trim the thicket of thorns around your ring finger. It keeps your hand from the strings. Leaves and glances furtively fall forwards. Take counterclocwise baby-steps--there's only one left.
The lights and nights are as fake/bright As the bite-sized breaths you take/fight.
runrunrun [[THERE IS NO END IN SIGHT]] I don't know which is worse, that it was there, or that I never stood a chance. 'Please let me know,' but I never knew. You only get one but some people never get it at all.
Wiggle my toes and dip them in and I'm gasping for air around your poor sweet suffocation. There wil be no riding off into the sunset. There will be no sunset. [[THERE IS NO END IN SIGHT]] I kick idly at the ground. [[you're ohsodifficult sometimes all bated breath and twitching hands]]
This is not a universe with infinite possibilities. We swim until we can't. We run until the searing pain in our sides gets to be just. too. strong. And even the universe has a timer.
Forever is a very long time. [[THERE IS NO END IN SIGHT]] I'll show you what it really is. That's not nearly as threatening as it should sound. I bet you never looked at it that way And every time I see him I taste poison [[THERE IS NO END IN SIGHT]] She screamed, 'Who am I,' And I couldn't tell her a damned thing.
I found the cure and no one cares--it's just another thing to sell.
I am so far gone that I'm eating my own dust. I am withering and reaping what I sow. I am NOT what I told you I am. I am the biggest and worst liar out there.
My baby's four neighborhoods over and I can't be bothered to leave the comfort of my bed.
Every time I look for you the sun goes down (also see: the difference between hate and really really really not liking someone.)
I stand on your porch and blink out the sun. I never was the best at clearing my head, but selective amnesia's becoming easier and easier.
But hear you me--you had lipstick on your teeth and your thighs around my waist.
Also see: kitchen counters.
Also see: only not hurting the people who don't matter.
Also see: enjoying this too much for your own good. The only factor that taints it is your own poor attitude, and honey you had never seen a worse one until you met me.
I used to make my parents proud.
Spilled your fingernail polish, sang louder than I've ever heard you, and polished off my heart. Are you full yet?
No matter how many snide remarks you make, you've still got a bit of ventricle stuck in your canines. You've done something with it, I see. Braiding my vocal cords together and wrapping them around your ring finger wasn't exactly what I had mind, but it's creative and done skillfully enough. Your picket-fence ideals have impaled my last shattered breath and I'm broken.
Also see: propoganda and thought control 101.
Also see: hangnails galore.
Also see: how I can't get what I need but the things that I think I want come at me like shrapnel, and I know I shouldn't be comparing one small misery to the next, much greater one, but I can't take my own advice.
Scraped my knees on your linoleum floor, swallowed your porcelain tongue, and cut open my esophagus. It's gory but the goosebumps are indicative of how little I think of you and your eyes and your smile and every. single. word. that punches out from behind your perfect teeth.
The poet in me is screaming for justice but poetic license says
I scream the words I want
and he doesn't have to be satisfied. I have known you in every life I've lived. By your shaking ankles, I KNOW she has murdered me. (murder me, murder me)
We rise to defend ourselves just as quickly as the hairs at the nape of my neck raise to meet what they're sure will destroy them.
I have a ringing in my head and no one to help me answer it. (Gotta love how it's somehow all on me.)
It's so difficult to be what you deserve but this is all really only another excuse.
Sometimes I wish I knew what I wanted before it was too late.
Also see:apathy vs. empathy.
Also see:copernicus and galileo and eveyrone else who couldn't give themselves a break.
Also see:total destruction of the soles through the reconstructon of the soul.
You make it so hard to say what I need to. bottling lightning to keep me in check i hope you know i'm talentless and broken and airing all my dirty laundry for you you shock me into raising my sleeves/defenses it's not what i want or need but it's what i've got and it's got potential and i've got to work with it.
no matter what i tell you i am still a mess broken hearts in empty places stolen lives on public faces pictures on a private forum with a dashing gash of red and two bright green husks chipped-away fingernails tell you everything you need to know mayday, mayday the flare's gone off the bow hit the highest c i've ever heard when it finally finally
cracked. no one recognized the signal. the hollow nervous sound of the fireworks. mayday, mayday my fingers are cracking open like the lobster you had for lunch the other day. dead and coated i laugh in its face in the face of it at the very fine line i'm trying oh so hard to walk. sorry officer but i'm incapable of walking straight. lock me up. i'm incapable of dealing with myself. it's better if i don't. keep me away from society. i'm incapable and i fall far too short for this. i don't have the time. it's pretty much physically impossible for me not to love you. i'm a horrible liar, but i'm doing pretty well so far. i fail.
I blink, but all the streetsigns say your name and the streetlamps are your eyes. I smell [where there's smoke there's] fire and I taste home--tastes like you The dock looms in front of me and catcalls "Do something stupid." Screams, "Why are't you here yet?"
Callow cowards crown queens. There's a fire in our grotto, even if you've forgotten. I've never seen a signal as bright as yours Something old--something new--something borrowed--something blue. Rang in the new year in the form of drinks spilled on blouses and newly bought houses. I'm crossing my fingers and holding my breath.
I have no pride; I have forgotten to make myself work. Thursday never lived up to the freckles above your eyebrow, but I'm stilll going going gone The lights are so pretty but all it is is another star exploding.
The trap door broke and dumped me onto her I can't find the lightswitch but i know where i should be I clutch the windowsill (ones and zeros) and wish for a knight in shining armor or someone to make a scene (but maybe I'm really wishing for...) I'm a cowboy and an indian, you're a cop and a robber, and it's our mission to destroy ourselves. How do you feel about destroying ourselves together? Pictograph in pink and green (pink for your insides and green for your envy) I snap another clever cut as you try to feign indifference, because you notice but you never risk a cmnt. You're six to my half-dozen. Four to one the diamond to my rough and I hate that I can't stop this. Where 'this' clearly means 'belonging to you'.
Good morning Apple Blossom Almond Doll. Your marzipan fingers have been chewed and skewed and elected king. Sing me something out of key before i'm left in the dark. I can only focus on my faults.
(or:: a mathematical equation in two parts, where you+me=everything, but only if you get our coefficients right.) It's our everyday experiment and you and I are the only constants, even when all you do is ch-ch-ch-change. We're dancing to the beat of the same drummer as everyone else, but it's the closest to escaping when my heart's pounding in my ears. [tell YOU tell ME tell HER, a complete percussion set of yes and no, of youlovemeyoulovemenotnotnot] An identity crisis of high prices with high shine. Couplets of wrist bindings and revenge. I am a daydreamer of the highest order. (have I gotten sick recently, Doctor? No, of course not. Only worse.)
She shouts in perfect steady harmony, the bassline to my drums. We are the entire rhythm section of your old middle school's jazz band, her voice and my heart. She makes me want to throw a mug of steaming-hot tea at the side of a brick building and savor the sound as it crashes. She is a fiberglass splinter, the kind you get from taking out memories.She finds ways to cut like glass down my iron-coated throat. She finds pills in strange places and she finds the time to down them all.She believes in time, but not in feelings. She believes in me, but not herself. She is the whorl of sickly color making its way across your cheekbone, just under your left eye. She is the whirl of leaves across the pavement, late, late in fall. She is stubborn and incohesive and nonsensical, and she will make herself work if it's the last thing she does, goddammit. She is a car crash (hope I don't get whiplash) and a bouquet of flowers (hope I don't go into anaphylactic shock) and an asprin (hope I don't OD) and she is far too expensive for me.
I'm checking my ingredient list twice. Let's see what I can do.
les autres filles qui dit avec celui, elles ne voulent dire pas cela qu'elles disent. je ne suis pas celui pour toi. tu n'appercevois pas moi. je ne suis pas que tu as pensé. ils ont pas idée; et comme chaque chanson tu es moins ma fille. il y a une grande quantité que tu ne sais pas. a-y-t'il que tu n'as pas perdu?
c'est n'est pas poésie. c'est une prière. ne fait pas cette erreur.
And here's the thing:
I've been learning how to juggle
and I love the rush of it
I love learning
where the ball is gonna be.
I love not knowing.
I love that it's not a sure thing,
and I love that
it makes my gut
swoop, gonna vomit, not gonna catch it
rollercoaster safe in my room.