12/28/10 backdated so no one reads it unless they're. digging.

so suddenly my room smells like you. which sucks. I mean I haven't been in love with you for two years now, and we haven't been friends for a little less than that, and I. Shouldn't remember how your room smells. I guess it smells kind of like starburst and burt's bees because that's what my room kind of smells like. I don't want to be your friend. I've been done trying to get you to understand what you did to me. I am not always done being hurt. Nearly three years is a really long time to beat yourself up over a person and it's even longer to have that person do really awful and manipulative shit to you. I don't want to engage you or talk to you or insert myself into your life again. Sometimes I read your blog but I never comment or leave things in your ask box or anything. I just feel ridiculous about it and close the tab and do something else.
you haven't affected me like this in a really long time.
I was never interested in getting revenge. dating Matt was just because I was dating Matt, I really liked him, I wanted to be with him. I never told him not to see you, too. It was like sharing or something.
but sometimes I'm fifteen, staring at my bookshelves as I let you tell me that I'm not really good enough. I get it. I understand. I know. You were definitely never as gay as me and probably were never gay at all.
my room smells like you and I want it to stop.


I hate you. Every time I see you I walk a little taller, hold my head higher, speak louder. I just want you to see how small you are, I guess.

What I'm trying to say is thanks. If you weren't so shallow, ignorant, and unwilling to change, my back would always be hunched when I walked past you.