how full of love am I

Tea that refuses to boil,
steeped in cold.
(Will I have to ask to die? Will I?)
A cure for death in baby hands,
quick pedestals you can't control.

there's no time to be anything more than I am,
flighty and fighting.
Will you struggle into my hands?
Will you snarl at the last shreds of my skin?
The tears and tears and rips that bind me to you.
I will steal your death.
Take the tendons from my arms,
snap the cradle of my ribs,
draw veins open along my legs.
I will keep it for myself.

You never forget your first time.

One day I will shake your hand.
Congratulations.
You will live forever.
Peter Pan.
My first and favorite vampire.

But after that first breach,
I--.
After the first exchange,
the first as each other's,
the very first bound exchange,
I--.

you should have realized you could never hold what I have to offer.

these pedestals will crumble,
the world will implode.
everything will crash into itself;
smaller and smaller,
inconceivable steps towards breaking.
impossibly,
the particles will become compact in a way they never were.
The Law of Conservation of Mass.
but in any case.

I will curl
my hands
into fists in my lap,
careful to say it back.
I do.
I love you too.
Quiet imaginings cannot change that.
My heart is yours.

Sorry, dude.
My bad.

A luckier man
would not have to wait for my
unlucky response.

where my mouth stumbles,
shouts,
my spiking spidered handwriting never fails.
(and thus it never fails;
words from my mouth
are always too much for me.)
the fingers that cut a rug
with words I can't pronounce or say
are the same that twist,
useless in my lap,
when you're around.
skittering tools of hate
unprolific things
they itch with what I can't convey

sunbleached like bones

one glance, two,
towards a machine that never speaks,
sit silent against my clever tongue
such stark contrast when the tongue moves
evermore,
shapes strong sibilants even in sleep.
The machine is quiet when you are, recently constantly.

waning in my stomach, dropping further down
bone dust tilting downwards as the heart chisels up
waxing in my chest
glorious but nothing new, nothing i didn't have before
i have waited for you for a long time
but it's nothing i can't handle for a few more years
new in the corner of my eye
shocks to the system--so this is what all of it was
no reason for me to avoid you except rejection

full throughout me
i have been given wings,
but i know not how to work them.
how can i be yours like this?

Telephone rings head turns toes curl
stomach rises
(The Sun Also Rises: maybe today is my day)
we are not strangers,
passing on the sidewalk.
I am not trapped in a tower,
vambraces versus embraces.
I am not a spider.
You are not trapped in my web
but you will not have me again.
(are you going? are you coming? are you)

last night I pulled the stars,
swirling, quiet, bright
out of the cadence of your voice
the noise
the loss of which deafened me
quietly shaking,
you told me of breaking
of taking
of making a life of what you had lost
(don't pity yrself,
you have fingers that press;
you have sonnets that scream--
sad suns, sums of several sons!--
stars burning in stovepipes,
and a voice that sweetly speaks.)
I am too afraid to be too in love,
and both lead to hate.
I'll wait
for some professor to
profess her
richness, more bold and indulging than I

rather,

when i thought you would leave,
harsh, empty words between us,
the moon moving too far,
fat in my window then gone,
i was relieved.

there is nothing so
harsh, empty,
as the realization that, this way,
my hand would be forced.
quiet touches--
brush your hair from your eyes--
but the moon hangs, content,
under the eaves of my porch.
but bitter,
knowing that i would end


up wasting you.
hopeless,
wishing for white dresses,
cloth the color of the moon,
as it moves quietly out of my sight.

you told me i was incredible.
for the first time,
once in all occurrences,
i believed the words
as they pushed past your teeth.
it is almost a shame,
knowing that you meant them, too.

I think I might always be lonely. I might as well allow it in on my own terms.

The First Annual Great Write-Off '09

Starting at midnight 1 August, the first (hopefully) annual Great Write-Off shall commence. This is a contest of sorts between myself and the wonderful, capable, talented Charlie J. Russell, from whom I stole everything you see here*. By midnight 1 September, she and I will have endeavoured to publish as many finished pieces as we can.

Da Rules:

1) Finished pieces may be of any length, as long as they are to the author's satisfaction. Few things are sadder than a beautiful poem stuffed with extra lines or whittled down to fit.

2) Non-contest pieces may still be published; Write-Off pieces will be published with the "write-off" tag. These pieces are to be counted at the end of the month.

3) One may publish old, previously unpublished work but the opponent reserves the right to scowl disappprovingly.

4) Tumblr entries are not official entries, as Tumblr hasn't any tags.

5) The contest ends at 12:00:00 a.m., 1 September.

6) The loser will buy the winner lunch at the establishment of the winner's choosing, or the winner may request a home-cooked delight (this must fall within the loser's skill range and the loser is not responsible for mad-difficult dishes.)

One of us is going down, and it won't be me.


*By "everything you see here," I refer only to this particular post. Just putting that out there.

I won't spare you

I think I've got a disease and
it's killing killing me,
from the top of my lungs to the bottom of my feet.
screaming screaming nonsense to nonentities.
I think I'm a parasite,
taking until you just won't give anymore;
too close for comfort but too heavily dependent to go.

I don't know how I will survive
without
the moon in my window,
just out of reach.
Tide's going out,
moon's waxing, waning, full and then empty again.
My blood's pulled around,
moved by the phases of you.
When the moon moves too far,
shifts away,
stops controlling the heat of my body,
how will I breathe?
How can I laugh,
without my blood stretched too thin?