the average speed of an ejaculation is 28mph.

your little deaths are empty wins and heavy losses
goals to reach before you die
a list
and when you pride yourself on extreme adjustment
the change needed to become anything at all
it's what you make versus what you leave
how do you leave it behind?
when is enough not enough?

there are tiny screams that say youll leave me behind
when all that's left of you is Xs and Os, i will be long gone
and i will ask the world to be quiet with a finger to my lips
i will need time to think about your hand against my forehead
hot like a fever
when one's faults outweigh one's defenses,
what's left?
where am i supposed to go from here?
this empty space ive discovered and kept for my own

and when you pride yourself on extreme adjustment
the change needed to become anything at all
it's how you leave versus what you made
when did you have the chance?
you simply can't avoid it.

and we ran forever
arm in arm
demanding the world bend around us
shaping it to our specifications
and leaving what we didn't want behind
it was a victory everyone regretted
i was at once whole and discordant again
in his arms
in yours
the cold chafing my arms and the love keeping me warm

and this overwhelming pride in your adjustment
in the changes you made to become something else
showed me how you made it and what you left
and that you didn't have a choice
it was gone somewhere around "one day"

when you blink and suddenly the world has changed and you are grown
we'll run arm in arm
just like we did
and the world will whisper,
dance with us
as we jump into our own heads
our convoluted and seperate futures

and i am telling you we have not been here before

If only you would move

you've left your mark

hit the target

just like you do every time

you are hopeful and sweet,

face turned up toward the light

running from you
i am running away
running down the page but
ive been waiting for months
praying for years
filling my lungs and
puffing smoke away from me
dragging my feet along the ground

i could eat your heart (out) over and over again but i wouldn't ever get full never ever


shut the door
drag the well
fill the lake
I AM READY WHEN YOU ARE
ready to jump to scream to fall ready for anything with you
i think youre ready.
i know you arent ready.

this is your future served on a platter (here it is here it is)
preventing you from touching me
too strong it's too strong and it is holding you back
stop talking with your mouth
(full
stop) breathing when your mouths
(full
stop)
take a swig and
jump off the bridge and
knock you out
knock you down
pin it back
take you now

i wrote this half asleep and it is nowhere near as good as you deserve but i will never show you my top quality shit

Listening to Cho Cho San

Fall in love all over again.



Pinkerton is the best frigging album ever.

i will stay as i am
until you don't tell me not to
anymore.


and then,
i will blossom
one hundred eyes blinking at me from across the room
uncross my eyes
and tell me you were only kidding.

this feels like a memory
this feels like a fire
this feels like having to stop
so I can slam my eyes shut and cover my ears
against the screaming in my head.
this feels like a glancing touch to the arm
this is nothing but my own fault

i can recognize this.
and we can kiss
quietly in the hall

even though it isn't what i really want at all.

and me and fantastic mr. fox,
we'll walk
hand in hand
arm in arm
tooth and nail
he'll remind me that all of my metaphors come from fairy tales.
he'll overbalance because he lost his tail
and we'll laugh

because it's laugh or break down.

and you see it's coming back full circle
dust to dust to roses
young to archaic to new again
because it's really all i'm good at.

i remember,
this one time
when he said i reminded him of himself
i remember this one time when i could pretend things were ever simple.
i remember this one time when i taught myself to pretend.
back before i should have been pretending
back when my nights were spent sleepless but making no excuse
i could tell myself that i was just one more chapter away from sleep.

this feels like a eulogy
but it sings like a prayer.
in my head it's a prayer
and i can see it in the bottom of an empty circle
an empty cyllinder
all i have nowadays are my pen and myself.
my pen and my self
my-self.

Histrionic Lyrically Dependent Prepubescent Hack Band

i am trying too hard
i am trying too hard
i am trying too hard
i am trying too hard

to be what you need

(i'm trying too hard) to be what you need?
or i'm trying too hard (to be what you need)?
even i don't know where the emphasis falls anymore


watch me walk--i'll kill it, i'll kill it
my pseudo-intellectualism has abandoned your pretty words,
left me for your pretty mouth
filled my head with hard unrounding consonants and condolences

it's called a cliche for a reason
thank you for not talking. thank you for not talking back.
thank you for leaving me for dead.

my fingers tap, rub,
sssssmack against my thighs
in a pretty mockery of rhythm
goosebumps raise and remind me that you left me cold
or maybe that i can't ever quit you cold-turkey
a charlie brown scream (augh! augh!) tumbles through my lips
as you once again pull the football (or maybe the rug)
from where it should have connected


d a g b g b g d a g b g b g
d a g b g b g d a g b g b g
b f# e g e g e b f# e g e g e
eminor b e minor b
f# f# c # e
b f# e g e g e b f# e g e g e
d a g b g b g d a g b g b g
b f# e g e g e b f# e g e g e
d a g b g b g d a g b g b g
d a g b g b g d a g b g b g




you can sin or spend the night all alone. jesse lacey will always say it better.

now that was just a warm up
let's get warmed up
call me later because
i get so despondent without your voice
we both know that i know how it feels to
lose a chunk,
gain a chunk,
keep going unwhole
i know how this goes and
you will not trick me again
you have me trapped in my own logic
tied up and
too weak but still breathing
i've gotten stronger and
i know how to bite my lip against the sort of image you drag up
you asked too many questions and
asked for too many answers and
asked too much of me
trying to watch my reaction to use against me later
the way i bite my lip against you
and so i'm pulling my eyes shut to avoid seeing your face and
i'm drowning you out with this can of mace and
i'm forcing myself to see something i don't want to see,
can't bear to see
i already know
so why do you keep trying to tell me
I ALREADY KNOW
so why do you keep trying to tell me
i already know
and as much as the simple fact kills me
it isn't what's keeping me up at night
no i don't want your pity and
even though i know you're trying to help
even though i know you're helping
you're only keeping the wounds open and
the words out
too bad i already know the curve of your name
well enough to trace it in the dark


let me go for a few days
let me have a week to myself
let me have a week where i don't pick up the phone
when it's me avoiding you and
not the other way around
let me curl up on my bed
on top of the covers and
not eat
not sleep
let me just exist
just for a week
just until they prescribe
what they think i need
just enough to keep me going
just let me have a week
just call me all the time
so you can get angry when i don't pick up
just let me lock myself down
just for a week

you look at me and
ask how sexual i can get
but baby i must tell you
it's about the sweat
it's about time you
get caught in my net
in my web, and we're
losing our way to find our
heavy thumping bass line
i just want to teach you how to solo
i just want to hear you while you solo
now tell me what you want to hear
i'll have you moaning from ear to ear
see, baby, i can talk out of my ass, too
i can talk just as much shit about you

this is exactly what i'd like to do to you

stop me before i love you too much to keep from tearing you apart
please stop me

just a lie, i said, and watched you insist that that's all it was. just a lie, you stressed, and for once you didn't understand a single thing i was trying to tell you.


i'm repeating myself, at this point, but i'm making my point and i'm repeating everything you said out loud to my empty room.
i will write as if no one is reading this
and hope that it makes a difference.
ashes to ashes to all of us falling down
there are words and stanzas and i continue to drown
take your shoes and shine them
take diamonds and mine them
forever is too long,
especially when i'm just waiting for you to fall apart.
(do you get it?
do you?)
see i laid my fingers in the dish
cleaned them off
took a hot towel and wiped the mess around
we only drink soup from one side of the spoon
and my big canary yellow cobalt blue
ex-husband
ex-wife?
keeps clunking into the side of my bowl
please, excuse him
her?
she's so rude, talking over you like that
i'm like marie curie with the way i'm always trying to save everyone around me
and with this bread and water diet
i'll be passing out in no time
it's all the rage in paris.

kissing cousins versus killer queens versus kingdom come
vice versa
my biggest vice is your shortest verse
anything too long and i fall to shame
better make this quick