now that was just a warm up
let's get warmed up
call me later because
i get so despondent without your voice
we both know that i know how it feels to
lose a chunk,
gain a chunk,
keep going unwhole
i know how this goes and
you will not trick me again
you have me trapped in my own logic
tied up and
too weak but still breathing
i've gotten stronger and
i know how to bite my lip against the sort of image you drag up
you asked too many questions and
asked for too many answers and
asked too much of me
trying to watch my reaction to use against me later
the way i bite my lip against you
and so i'm pulling my eyes shut to avoid seeing your face and
i'm drowning you out with this can of mace and
i'm forcing myself to see something i don't want to see,
can't bear to see
i already know
so why do you keep trying to tell me
I ALREADY KNOW
so why do you keep trying to tell me
i already know
and as much as the simple fact kills me
it isn't what's keeping me up at night
no i don't want your pity and
even though i know you're trying to help
even though i know you're helping
you're only keeping the wounds open and
the words out
too bad i already know the curve of your name
well enough to trace it in the dark


let me go for a few days
let me have a week to myself
let me have a week where i don't pick up the phone
when it's me avoiding you and
not the other way around
let me curl up on my bed
on top of the covers and
not eat
not sleep
let me just exist
just for a week
just until they prescribe
what they think i need
just enough to keep me going
just let me have a week
just call me all the time
so you can get angry when i don't pick up
just let me lock myself down
just for a week