The slant of your teeth, the way you open your mouth to speak.

You spoke,
heartbroken, heady hymns of heavy hums.
When you spoke,
I went to kiss you
gentle brush of lips.
Mine on yours.
The last time
I felt this
was not with someone
as
shining
as
you.
(You opened your eyes...)
You opened your mouth,
watched as truth spilled out.
I overflowed with hope,
beamed at the chance to catch it
by chance,
would you listen to me cry?
Could you help me peoplewatch?
Can we stay around each other for hours,
not speaking
but not kissing either?
Could you go without it?

I cannot help but compare you to her, love. Long legs, short bodies. Stretched out hearts. Eyes as wide as I. I cannot bear to attach you to her in my mind, for fear that you will become as she was. I apologize to both of you, in advance, in hindsight, for hiding you away in secret places, especially when they weren't where you wanted to be. (even my hindsight falls short of twenty-twenty.) I want to waltz with you. I want to place my hands on your hips and feel something not quite unrequited. I want you to break my heart.

1056. It is not nice to be around me.
1057. It is not wise to be around me.
1058. It is not safe to be around me.
and thus it progresses. quiet quiet. it's too late to expect goodness from this soul.

one in the morning and i'm yearning
full mouths are for yawning
empty hands for drawing
half-eaten hearts for scorning

two in the morning i'm tired
walking the tightrope electric, inspired
insipid incognizant liars
quagmires, sticky situations where I'm always trapped

three in the morning I hope I'm dreaming
screaming,
leaning too far, picturing your eyes gleaming
i'm fleeing
but i hope you'll figure out that I always get what I want.

goosebumps
my skin looks at me, says,
"this isn't art,"
says,
"you miss him too much,"
says,
"i'll miss you so much."

hairs on my chest stand up stand erect waiting for me to fall
banking on my sleep
but sleep is for the weak,
for the week
and it's still maybe the weekend
sleep is for when i work, when i function
when for every you there is only one me
y's and x's
exes and ohs

xoxoxoxoxoxo

sleep is for when i'm _____.
what's a five letter word for delirious?
what's a five letter word for joy?

This song always makes me cry.

I insist on listening to it over and over again, though, because I'm ridiculous. The three of them did a really good job of this, for an unprofessional performance of the song for a class.

I love the concept of this video. Various people were interviewed and it was then animated in the zoo. I love it. The jaguar is, of course, my favorite--"I need-a the space!" Nick Park is a genius. The highlight is when the smallest polar bear asks if her father enjoys lion steak as well as regular steak; this is a clear conclusion for a small child who had perceived the conversation as being strictly about the zoo, but an embarassing moment for her mother (who truly has no right to be embarassed, because she has trouble making her point or even forming a sentence when she tries to assert that animals should be confined in the zoo--"I think it's much better to be in, um...bars, because, um..." at about 2:56).

A while ago I lost all of my Meg & Dia, but I have (some of) it back! The Great Computer Crash of 2007 and the Second, Smaller Loss of Data of 2008 continue to thwart me, even months after they occured. >[ life.

My dad shared with me some excellent music. I'm really enjoying Pete Yorn, because he's a really solid songwriter, and Sugarcubes, because Bjork. Carla Bruni's first album, Quelqu'un M'a Dit, is just as enjoyable as a whole as the last song ("La Derniere Minute") AND as her sophomore effort (No Promises, the lyrics of which were all--mostly? idk--Anglophone poems). Check all three artists out or die.

I will start writing again. I will start writing again. I will start writing again. I'm working on a story. For once, I'm hoping this will go somewhere.

It is now eighty-one minutes past the start of the day. For sixty whole seconds, I thought of nothing but you. And I would have jumped at the chance to savor 00:00 with you tonight, would have fought to be there just for sixty seconds, had I known that without you midnight is just midnight. I think the countdown would taste amazing on your skin. The delight would mold itself to my hands, like maybe your hip bones would. You could tap the seconds into my hand. Our fingers would lie warm together in your hoodie pocket. I have become far too invested in this.

My tongue rests behind my teeth. My fingers fall carefully to the keys. My words sit heavy in my lap.

You are the rose I will ask for.

my name is will will the tin soldier (will the tin soldier please...?)

the boy in the courderoy jacket can't be too warm kindred spirits!i am not either. he reminds me of you (even though all you share is the pronoun and the jacket)
and he will never know that three days later i think about his red chilled cheeks teeth clenched against the cold and fists braced in his pockets. just like you will never know how close i came how close i would let myself get to you

my skull is falling apart i'm out of painkillers and it's too late to go to the store. my hair clings to my head like sleep to my eyeballs and if i'm a puzzle i'm missing a few crucial pieces

would you tell me?
i will never dust off the puzzle in the corner it has too many missing end pieces. you will never blow the dust off the good book because you can't be bothered to read more than a little.

people ask me all the time what's the date and what's the time and my internal clock's so screwed i couldn't even answer you when you asked if time's a lake or just a river with no end
i want to take a hammer to a watch and watch the cogs spring out and off quartz fingernails on leather jackets diamond ink in empty packets sand in digits hot and loose but you in me too far and close (how close how close?)

could you give me more than that? you're just yourself til you loan it. you're just a sheep so let's clone it. a name's a name but i own it. shakespeare said it best but maybe i'm no rose, just a closed mine closed mind

will you tell me a lie?

i stand on one leg a toy soldier or a crane and i'll empty rivers in pursuit of you mine is an honorable task and how could it be anything else when i stand so sharp and handsome in my tattered tin uniform?

it will find you.
love follows you home.
your word was too sharp,
pushes too hard through my teeth:
pushes to break.
you had a promise to keep,
the weak
the week of my worry got too close, too close.
i can't breathe without you.
you won't follow me down.
you will not follow me home.

if they cut me wide wide open,
they would still find your fingerprints
like track marks
bruising me perfectly:
tattoos on my retinas from your smile,
engravings on my teeth from your kiss.
if we were keeping score,
they'd base it on your handprint on my hip
on the secrets in my knees
on the guesses it takes for me
to figure out what's in your pockets.
you're no Bilbo, but you'd still be ahead
they'll say one! two! three!,
fast and empty
and we both know i will let you win.
if we were a fairytale,
you'd be offering me a pomegranate.
It would only be a moment before i let you in.
i'd watch the light play off your face
and we'd both know i'd take it before you got bored.

if i could show you one more time,
see your imperfect and beautiful features,
your large, strong, knobby fingers,
the way your smile lingers,
view all of it through a possesive lens
(but not the type that comes without true possession),
if i could have that one more time,
no candles or romance,
just you, one more time,
i think i'd be satisfied.

i'm gonna sit right down and write myself a letter

i'm flatting all my fifths
i'm giving up your myths
I'm collecting all my tithes
little grains of rice

i'm going back to bed.